Sailing the Ship of Friends
Often, when I'm feeling alone, I like to keep moving. Specifically, I like to go for walks. Well, first I drive to a place I've either 1) never been OR 2) always go.
It's the drive before the walk that allows me to let go of the day and absorb the night. These walks of mine always happen at night. I feel like that's an important detail. Don't ask me why.
So this is the state of affairs that brought me to Center City Philly the first Friday night in November.
As I roamed Old City, a place I once lived, I found myself replaying some of the interactions with various people I'd had up to that point in the day. When my mind settled on one of the day's conversations--I don't remember which--I distinctly recall feeling a rising tide of frustration. And while I'm sketchy on the details of the conversation which sparked these thoughts, I know precisely what frustrated me that evening, because it's something that consistently frustrates me to no end: the realization that most people seem to have no handle on what it means to be "a good friend." Not that I feel that I have a monopoly on the definition. It's just that I feel that people throw the term "best friend" around like it's a hacky sack, with little to no thought about how their use of the term speaks volumes about what they value in terms of human interaction.
So, you guessed it. I'd like you to weigh in on the subject. What does it mean to be "a good friend"? Who's your best friend? Has that changed? Do you often change "best friends" or is it a pretty steady position in your world?
Be specific, cite examples and do your best to arrive at a definition. But DON'T consult a dictionary. If you absolutely can't resist the temptation to chew on someone else's thoughts on the subject, I'd like you to google quotations on friendship and tell me if you come across one that sums up your views on the topic--or one that doesn't if playing devil's advocate is your thing. Share the quote with us and connect it with your response. Don't rush your thinking. Let it marinate...
I always find myself thinking about friends, good and bad. The people that claim they have a million bazillion friends usually are the ones that are talked about the most. The people that have a few close friends are typically the ones that stay out of drama and gossip. I think that is because the word “friend” is used way more than it should be. Seeing someone you never talk to outside of school in the halls and saying “Hey!” every once in awhile does not make them your friend, at least in my opinion. I have many acquaintances, but a minimal amount of friends.
ReplyDeleteBeing a good friend is hard since not many people are good friends. When becoming friends with somebody, it is almost like making a promise to them that your support and love will always be available to them whenever they need it. When I think of friendship, I think of a bond that is held together by trust, honesty, respect and care. A good friend will drive over to your house when you need a shoulder to cry on or invite you places that you don’t usually get invited to or make time to hear your problems and constantly check up on you to make sure you’re doing alright. It is very hard to find a true friend.
I don’t think that you can only have one best friend. It’s a matter of who you can trust and know will always be by your side. My best friends are Lucie and Karla. They have been my best friends for over two years, and I can trust them with just about anything. They have always been there for me and I have always been there for them.
It wasn’t until about a few months ago that my best friend since 3rd grade stopped communicating with me. I am not sure what happened, but I know that we grew up and kind of went our separate ways. It was almost like we grew out of the friendship, if that is possible. It really is awful that we don’t talk anymore because we went from sleepovers every weekend and texting all day everyday to sending a generic happy birthday text on our birthdays and not inviting each other to our birthday parties. She was my absolute best friend, the only person from my childhood I brought with me as I grew up. Changing best friends is not something I do often, but this friendship withered slowly and like all things, it had an end. We were so close that I called her mom “mom” and we both knew each other’s whole families. It is sad, but losing friends is part of life.
To me, having a best friend or good friend is someone you can trust with just about anything without being judged. A best friend is someone who you know will always have your back through thick & thin and no matter what happens, you guys will end up being their for each other, even when you’re mad. I believe if someone is your best friend, you’ll never talk shit on them, not even a single word & if someone does, you should be the first to defend them. I don’t consider myself to have a lot of friends because I just don’t like how a lot of people choose to act one way because of a certain group or people. I honestly feel like most people aren’t themselves just because they fear not being accepted. So along with loyalty & trustworthiness, a good friend allows you to be yourself around them. I have two main “best friends.” I don’t like the term best friend because so many people go around calling people their friends, but their “friends” are never there for them when they alone or need someone. For girls, it’s all about fitting in and they think they’re all best friends because they all in one clique, I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve heard these same “friends” talk shit on each other. For boys, it’s their “bros.” The same “bros” who are only their when they bored or need something.
ReplyDeleteMy two best friends are Aja and Classy. I have a bond with them that I’ve never had with anyone else. Aja has been my friend since sophomore year. We met through a mutual friend who we no longer feel the need to associate with, but because of that person I have Aja. I don’t think I’ve never not talked shit on anyone besides Aja. When it’s me and her, we go from straight face to laughing till we in tears. I truly think she’s the one person I can go to and say anything and she won’t say nothing or judge me and if she feels some type of way she’ll be honest with me. I literally call her my therapist because I tell her all my issues. I’ve never met a girl as honest and genuine as her, maybe that’s why I connect with her so well.
Classy is my other “best friend.” He’s also someone I met through a mutual friend I no longer feel the need to associate with. Classy’s the only guy who I feel like I’ve been my true self around. I think I met him sophomore year too, but ever since we met, we’ve always clicked. We’re almost polar opposites, but somehow we still connect in a unique way. We both have a type of realness in us that many people lack these days. He’s been with me through thick & thin just like Aja. I tell him almost everything like he’s my real life diary or something and he listens, even though he pretends not to.
I’m sure Aja and Classy will be in my life for a long time. They’ve been important to me since sophomore year and nothing has ever changed that. I’ve lost people I don’t regret losing because they were bad friends. The friends that “loved me” but talked shit on me after we stopped communicating or the same “friends” that felt the need to lie to me instead of telling the truth. For now, my friend circle is small and i’m sure it’ll say like that. I usually don’t make new friends easily, but i’ll lose some real quick if they prove themselves to be a bad friend.
I think being a good friend is pretty self-explanatory. Obviously, you need to trust one another and be honest with one another. I think it is important to be there for them and support them with that they do and are going through. To me, being a good listener is a big deal. Also, having a little fun never hurt anyone :).
ReplyDeleteMy best friend is Haleigh. Haleigh is always supporting me and she is always there for me when I need someone. I grew up with Haleigh through soccer so I have always been friends with her, but we got close 8th grade year. Ever since, we have been best friends.
I am not someone who changes best friends every week. Don't get me wrong, I love becoming friends with new people, but being my best friend is a pretty steady position. I have had best friends before that have treated me poorly, and I didn't always see this until I got older and matured.
I do feel like people like to throw the term “best friend” around so much so that people tend to get the wrong meaning of it.
Basically being a good friend is what it says being a GOOD friend. My two bestfriends are 100% Kayla and Britt they know like the back of their hands. They know every bad, good, happy, sad thing about me and I call that friendship. I sometimes throw around the term ¨bestfriends¨ when I´m getting close to a person I´m not normally close too and am like hanging out with a lot and their amounting up to being a close friend and stuff so like yea I do it accidently honestly often. But yea a good friend is basically being there for you and doing anything to I guess protect you. I met Kayla in 2009 and it´s basically been the same since. I met Britt like three years ago and it´s been a bumpy ride but HEY THATS FRIENDSHIP.
ReplyDeleteI used to think of myself not to have many friends, or any at all for that matter. I was caught up on if we don't hangout ever we must not be friends, rather acquantences or that person you speak to when no other firmilar faces were in the room. But I've found that although we may not meet outside of school, work, etc. they may still be a "good friend". A "good friend" is one that you may not speak to everyday but when you do its like no time had passed. They are there for you when you need someone to listen to you rant or offer you advice, lending you what ever they can. I relaized that I have a lot of people like this. A "best friend" on the other hand, I feel is more like family. Personally, my best friend is someone who know the difference between what I want to hear and what I need to hear. She knows whats good for me and knows exactly how I think and react to certain situations. She is someone I feel completely comfortable sharing everything in my life with. My best friend knows all of the things I don't feel comfortable speaking about with just anyone. To be a "best friend" to someone I think is very personal. Its nothong like the early morning "BEST FRIENNNND" yelled down the halls of Oakcrest. Its something that you grow to become, maintain, and do not change.
ReplyDeleteThere is a quote that says " friendship is like a four leaf clover, hard to find but lucky to have" I agree with this quote entirely. I have four really close friends that I can tell anything. Friendship to me is when you see someone who isn't family as family. What makes a good friend to me is someone who will be there for you no matter what. A good friend will tell you the truth and would never talk about you behind your back. Everyone should have at least one really close friend that they can talk to in there darkest moments. Friends are supposed to make you feel good about yourself and make you feel accepted for who you are. You shouldn't have to act like someone you aren't when hanging out with your friends. I don't consider my friends as best friends but as my brothers. My friends are my family and nothing can change that. I have had different friends in the past but I never got as close to them as I am with my friends now. I cant see myself making new friends and getting close. My friends are one of a kind and they cant be replaced and I'm lucky to have them. I plan on keeping those four people in my life for as long I live and I don't plan on making new "best friends".
ReplyDelete"Of all possessions a friend is the most precious"- Herodotus. This quote that reflects the true meaning of friendship is one that I agree with entirely. In my opinion a good friend is someone that will always have your back and someone that I can consider almost as a family member. They will tell you if you're wrong without criticizing you but rather do it to help you and they're always there when you need them most. When looking at all of the friends that I have I'd say that I don't really have a best friend only because I consider all my friends as a big family. I don't love any of them less than others. Sometimes friends do change but when that has never been the case for me at all. I grew up with the same friends that I have met at Hess and am still great friends with them now. Now and then and argument could occur or something of that matter but if they're really a true friend it can easily be worked out through conversation. If I had to come up with a specific definition for a friend it would be a supporter that will have your back no matter what the situation may be. One thing is for sure and thats that life would suck without friends.
ReplyDeleteHaving good friends is an important part of life. A good friend will be honest, loving, and caring. Honest in the way that they won’t hide anything from you and will put their two-sense if they feel like you’re doing some dumb shit. Loving in the way that they’ll love you no matter your sexual orientation, religion, race etc. Caring in the way they will treat you like your own family and have your back. A good friend shouldn’t leave you in the dust when times get tough, they should help you get back on your feet until you’re okay to be on your own. It’s okay to be independent but sometimes you need the comfort of a good friend and some comfort food.
ReplyDeleteI have 3 best friends: Lena, Shannon, and Abby. I’ve known Lena for about 3 years, Shannon for 11 years, and Abby for a 1 ½ years. As bad as it sounds, I have changed best friends throughout my life. I thought I had a really good friend for 10 years but she turned out to be a snooty snoot. The most important thing I have learned about friends is that effort needs to be put in by both sides and that’s what makes these 3 ladies my best friends. I see Lena everyday but whenever we’re not there, we always make sure that we get each other’s work when we know that one of us isn’t going to be there. When we don’t know, we make sure everything is okay on each end. I only get to see Shannon about once or twice every other month, but we always check up on each other and put in the effort to see each other in person. Abby is in college so the only time we see each other is over the summer and at work but I make sure that I talk to her at least once a week. I feel like myself when I’m with my best friends and I know that they love me for who they are. We can act like idiots in public without ridiculing each other but we know our boundaries of when to stop. I trust these girls with life and I know feeling is mutual. I don’t want my best friends to be a revolving door where one comes in and out then the cycle repeats, I want them to be in my life until we’re old and in the nursing home(s). There’s no doubt that these 3 ladies will be my best friends for life and I won’t be stupid enough to let them go.
I wouldn’t say I often change best friends because I’ve only changed best friends once. I couldn’t take being friends with her, she always thought of my last when I thought of her first. My feelings never mattered to her and I knew that I shouldn’t be treated like that. I couldn’t do the things I do with my best friends with the girl I ‘cut off’. She was serious 24/7 and acted like she has a stick up her ass. That’s not me. I talk way too loud and you can hear my laugh from 8 miles away. She would always tell me to lower my voice to a whisper or even worse tell me to shut up all together. Again, I knew I should not be treated like this. So, I stopped. I stopped putting in the one-sided effort and I started to move on. I thought it was the end of the world for me, but little did I know, it was the best thing for me to do at that moment. A few months after things were done, I met Abby when I started working and now (like mentioned above) she’s my best friend.
Based upon the way I use those terms, I feel as though there's a difference between a good friend and a best friend. I have many good friends. Those friends I laugh with, I listen to, and I pretty much see them when I see them. It's not really anything more than school/work. I mean if they do need me I'll be there but it's usually nothing more than the usual setting I see them at. We don't do anything extra like hang out all the time or constantly talk on the phone but when we do get together we know how to have a good time. A best friend is someone who completely understands you. They know every flaw and strength you have. Not only do they know you but they're there for you without you even having to ask. They'll be with you through every aspect of life and stick with you through it all. In my life there's many people I laugh with and connect with but I just wouldn't call them my best friend. Other than just having a strong bond with that person, it's very important for me to have someone who is there for me when I need them just as I'm there for them when they need me and that's very rare. I've had best friends but right now I don't have anyone who I would consider one. I wouldn't say I change best friends often because it really takes a lot for me to be able to call someone my best friend. If it's not a genuine friendship I don't want one. I feel like people switch friends so much out of desperation for company that they pick people that mean them no good or that don't really care about them. I feel like when I was younger I did things like that. I would just pick someone to be my friend just to have someone to do things with not thinking about the way they treated me. I've learned from it now. Some people are in it for a title but it should be to have a long lasting friendship with someone who completely understands you and who will be there through the ups and downs.
ReplyDeleteA good friend is a friend that is honest, dependable, supportive, and loyal.
ReplyDeleteTo me, the most significant aspect of a friendship is dependability. I think it’s very important to have a friend that you are able to depend on in times of need. It’s important to have someone that is always there for you without any hesitation or judgement. A good friend should be honest at all times, regardless of how much the truth hurts. A good friend should remain loyal to the friendship behind closed doors, and should defend your name when you’re not there to do it yourself. A good friend should influence you into making the right decisions when you're not aware of what the right decision is. At the same time, a good friend should also know how to have a little fun here and there ;).
My best friend is Haleigh. Don’t get me wrong, I have a lot of other close friends, but Haleigh is my BEST friend. She has been my best friend since 8th grade and over the years our friendship has only gotten stronger. I don’t change my best friend, simply because Haleigh holds that spot, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get closer with other people at the same time. Haleigh and I are both aware of how important our friendship is to us, which is why we don't allow ourselves to get into fights or anything along those lines. We make it a point to confront each other if we feel that things are getting patchy, so we can both put an effort in to fix those patches. Because we both value our friendship equally, we have been able to maintain an incredible friendship while making other friends along the way.
A good friend is someone that I can count on no matter how much time has passed since we last spoke. They are someone that I can trust all of my secrets with because I know they would never hurt me. I have never had too many friends because I know it’s really hard to find someone like that. When I think about who my best friend is the first name that comes to my head is Rayelle Pagan. Me and Rayelle have never fought, been rude to each other, betrayed be each other, and no matter how long we don’t talk for, we could still come together as if no time had passed. Everybody needs a person like that in their life to go to. Since fourth grade she has been my ultimate best friend. I’ve had other friends who I used to refer to as my “BFF” but that has changed over the years because the relationships I had with them faded and we lost touch. That’s how I know me and Rayelle’s friendship is so real, we have never faded in our friendship. I could call her at any time in the night and she would be there for me no matter what I needed. She’s the one I would go to if I had killed someone and needed to hide the body. She’s the one who has never turned her back on me even for a second. A good quote to sum up friendship in my opinion is “Friendship is not about who you’ve known the longest. It’s about to walk into your life, said “I’m here for you” and proved it”. The people I’ve grown up with sometimes aren’t nearly as close to me as the people I’ve met in these past couple of years. Friendship is about being there for the other person because they need you and when I need a person, I always go to Rayelle.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to the topic of friends it’s something that I take very seriously. My friends are very important to me and I don’t know what I would do without them. The friends that I have are good friends and every one has their own definition on what a good friend really is. To me a good friend is a lot of things and these things are very important. A good friend is always there for you when you need them and always has your back no matter what. A good friend is someone you can talk to about anything and be yourself around them without being judged. A good friend is considered family and would never turn their back on you. Having a good friend there for you can really make a big impact on your life even though you may not think that it can.
ReplyDeleteA true and good friend is considered equal to another true and good friend. There isn’t a best friend to me because I only have 4 good friends so it would be tough to pick between them. When we are younger we have that best friend, but I think as we grow older we call our best friends our really close friends. So my 4 close friends that I have you can consider my best friends and I don’t think that will change. When you call someone your close or best friend that shouldn’t change because that title should have a powerful meaning. It isn’t something that you can call too many people because they are rare. I am really lucky to have the friends that I do and the really have changed my life for the better. I can’t thank them enough for being there for me and always treating me like family. I’m not picking a quote because there is no quote in the world that could sum up the type of friendship that I have experienced. It is unique and something that I wouldn’t trade the world for.
This is actually something I think about quite often. For the longest time, I was adamant about the fact that you could only have one best friend. I said to myself “How can you have more than one best friend, if the term is ‘best’?” This seriously limited my thinking and affected my relationships with people. I would not let people get too close to me because I already had a best friend. I would solely stick to my friend, not really talk to anyone else. Of course I would have other friends, but there was only one I could completely trust, and that is what I believe separates a good friend from a best friend. A good friend is someone who are comfortable around, and genuinely enjoy their presence. They are uplifting, and a positive influence on you. However, you would not divulge your secrets around them, and would not make any extra effort to be around them. That is what separates a good friend from a best friend: Trust and time. For me, it is not easy to become a best friend. Wilfred, for example, has known me for four years now. He has been nothing but positive, and I enjoy his presence. When you go out of your way to decorate someone’s locker for his birthday, that is when I knew we were best friends. A best friend is one whom you spend time and effort on, and truly trust and treat them like an equal.
ReplyDeleteA good friend comes in many different variations. If you have a non romantic relationship with someone, it different interacting with each other. Because everyone has their own type of dynamic with how they react with certain people. I know for me, I have different dynamics with a lot of different people. Sometimes, the people I hang out with Monday maybe don't like the people I hang out with on Tuesday. A good friend though knows what the other likes. They know what your favorite food is or your hopes and dreams, or your genre of music. They are your shadow, soulmate. Whether you wanna call it, a good friend is there through thick and thin and is always putting you in a good mood. Even the times when they may not be your most favorite person in the world, walls need to be broken down and bridges need to be formed again.
ReplyDeleteMe personally, I don't think I've ever really had like a best friend. I've had a collection of friends I hang out with sometimes after school, but never everyday. That's just not who I am as a person unfortunately. I don't really know how to to start conversations with someone properly. And it shows because I'm a quiet person and I just usually add myself to conversations by other people. But if I had to pick my best friends, it would probably have to be Matthew Mata and Alex Ho, just because I usually see them everyday. I personally don't see a problem with having multiple best friends, but I'm sure there are other people who a different outlook on that. Because friendships are pretty valuable to most people. It's what makes Oakcrest so great. We're diverse in political positions, race and nationalities, and we come together to work as a unit and at the very least, have a respect for each other. Because I'm sure everybody has at least one person they talk to everyday. Overall, friendship is key to making connections in life.
A good friend is someone who manages to show the same effort as you do and will always be there for you when you need them, no matter what. A good friend is someone you don’t have to think twice about trusting them with your secrets because you know they’ll always have your back. He/she will never turn their back on you even when it so happens the two of you are on bad terms. Lastly, a good friend would never show disloyalty such as talking about you behind your back or being close friends with someone who doesn’t like you.
ReplyDeleteMy best friend is named Yomi, well that’s her nickname. We’ve been close friends for about 2 years now, and although we argue sometimes, she’s always been a real friend. I never had to question her friendship or whether she would talk about me behind my back. She has done stuff for me that I know none of my other friends would. And even though sometimes we go a couple days or weeks without talking, we can always pick back up from where we’ve left off.
With most of the friends I have, they’ve been my friends for a couple years already. As for best friends, I don’t change them for the most part. My only best friend would be Yomi, however I do have friends that I consider closer than others.
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ReplyDeleteAs I’m writing this blog, the song “Best Friend” by Brandy is stuck in my head. Anyways, here it goes.
ReplyDeleteA good friend is someone who is friendly, nice, caring, honest, and trustworthy. This type of friend enjoys talking to you and is willing to help you if needed. These friends are loyal, will not go forward with negative gossip about you, and will accept you for who you are.
A best friend consists of these same characteristics, but a best friend is closest to you in good times or bad times. With best friends, you are more comfortable in their presence, so you can be yourself. Best friends are honest to you, but they should not judge you. Best friends always think about you when others do not care as much.
If I had no choice but to choose right now, my best friend would be Melissa.
I can ask Melissa any question, and she won’t judge me at all. She always goes out her way to help me. She responds almost immediately whenever I text her, even if we only have one class together this year (which is gym). She is hilarious. We only became close last year, but she’s someone I know who is worth keeping. Most people would think that my best friend is Etimbuk. Despite the fact that I knew her since kindergarten and our families considered ourselves as “cousins”, I still come to find out that she still doesn’t know everything about me, and we’re so different. Don’t get me wrong. I still love her, but she and her siblings tend to judge me a lot, so I can’t tell her everything about my life even if I’m comfortable talking to her because they sometimes say things that affect me. Therefore, I’ve never been comfortable telling Etimbuk my problems, and that drove myself crazy.
In school, I’m the person who just shuts up and is there, sort of hanging out with different people at a given time. Even if I try, I still find myself uncomfortable with certain people at school, and here’s why.
I could be laughing in a conversation with one friend, and then suddenly, their best friend appears. I say, “Hi” to their best friend, and after a few minutes, the person I was talking to and their best friend take over the conversation with an unrelatable subject to me. They connect and laugh way more, normally by talking about another person, event, or sharing inside jokes. I try to join in, but I clearly see that these two people have a stronger bond than I do and want to talk to each other, so I don't interrupt. Finding it awkward and feeling sort of left out, I either listen in on their conversation or just give up and grab my earbuds. I know then that I cannot be friends with these people the way I want to, so then we avoid each other and occasionally say “Hey” when we see each other. Don’t get me wrong. That doesn’t mean that I’m jealous. I just do not get involved enough in some conversations because it sounds like I shouldn’t (if that makes sense at all). I was upset about it and eventually found this quote:
“Some people will talk to you in their free time, and some people will free their time to talk to you. Learn the difference.” -Anonymous
The following quote distinguishes friends and best friends. Best friends are people willing to talk out you out of the blue whereas friends see you and make small remarks.
In the past, I had trouble making friends. I moved a lot and have been to a total of 9 schools, and it was rough. I made friends, lost friends, was bullied, and became painfully shy.
What sucks is that I lost a lot of people in my life who I considered my best friends, including my blood-related cousins who I lost connections to. It changed constantly not just because of the moving, but also because some would randomly stop communication with me. I felt super lonely, and it sucked. I follow some of my former best friends on Instagram and comment on their posts, but besides that, communication lacks the way it used to, and that is a sad reminder for me.
For me, I’ve had plenty of friends that have come and gone but a lot of them were just that - a friend. A very slim percentage of my friends have had the honor for me to call them a good/great friend. A “good” friend, in my words, is someone who is ALWAYS there for you no matter what you’ve done to them or what they’ve done to you, no matter what you’ve said to them or what they’ve said to you, etc. A good friend will stick by your side even if you’ve gone through various meat grinders with them. I have many friends at the moment but only a couple deserve the title of a good friend. That’s Logan, Gavin, Austin, and Jordan. Although I just started hanging out with two of them about a year and a half ago, the other two I’ve known for at least 5 years now. Logan’s been with me since preschool and Gavin’s been with me since 8th grade. It seems to me that we’re all hanging out everyday of the weekend all 52 weeks of the year and I wouldn’t take it back for anything. These guys cheer me up daily and always have my back when I do something idiotic or regretful. I remember one time when I had gotten into a fight with someone (not going to be specific for personal reasons) and I just had to go somewhere away from anyone. I called Logan up and asked if he could come get me and help me relax and he was at my house no later than 15 minutes with Gavin in the passenger seat. I was instantly filled with joy because I knew my day was about to get 100 times better than it was. That’s how I know they’re close and good friends because they cheer me up no matter the situation I’m in and will always have my back, regardless of what I’ve done.
ReplyDeleteRight now I dont use the words ¨friends¨ or ¨bestfriends¨, if i say you my bro then that person is considered to be one of my close friends. People who I hang out with, who I can talk to, who i can ask favors from and know that they will help me out. I know that they will have my back for whatever reason and with no questions asked. I feel as though my bros are gonna be in my life for a long time. The terms ¨friends, bestfriends¨ are just words to me. They dont mean a lot because people just throw those words around, so the true meaning of them dissolved.
ReplyDelete